Article #1

This article is for all of the annoying asshole bitches who irk the shit out of me.
Like, Shut the Fuck Up
By Jason D. Zastrow Esquire
A particularly annoying problem with society today is that people say the word like entirely too much. I'm not sure if peoples' brains have decayed to the point where they don't know what they are trying to say so they stall for thinking time by saying the word like in between every other word in sequential fashion. Over the last ten years somehow the general vocabulary of people has lacked so many old and dignified words that people sound less intelligent and quite authoritatively redundant.
I seldom have ideas but something happened to me recently and the following popped into my little mind. My idea is for people whom have "The Like Disorder", as I tend to call it, to wear a stylish and trendy bracelet. It's sort of a Medic Alert for the cranially less fortunate if you will. It would be a convenient way for brilliant people such as myself to stay away from people with imperfections stated herein.
I also have some handy suggestions for certain individuals afflicted with this horrible social disease. Say someone says "It was like he…" instead say "It was as though he…" Or if an individual were to say "I really like food", this is proper but if you want to sound smarter in general say "I thoroughly enjoy snow cones and mock apple pie." And in the severest of cases we have these kinds of people: "I was like sitting there and like I like wetted my like pants." Just slap the liquid defecation out of the unconceivably dull-minded dolt.
The End

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